Thursday, December 17, 2009

Personal Effects

The morning Sage passed away detectives, as per standard procedure, took his personal effects.  The blankets in the crib, pajama's he was wearing and his favorite toy that he slept with.  We were told they would be returned, via mail, once the investigation was closed.  I worried and even had nightmares about the day one of the kids would go to the mailbox and find his things.  My gut told me it would be Christmas time I just prayed it wouldn't be on one of the 5 birthday's we have in December.  His things didn't come by mail, as expected, instead they called and we were asked to collect them on the 17th.  It is the Holiday Season and it's the day before Crystal's 30th birthday but not on her birthday so we were thankful for that. 

We had so many people praying for us and we could feel gave us strength and we even had a bit of a miracle, if you will, a very spiritual experience that I would like to share. 

Amanda, Crystal's sister, makes a quilt for each of her nieces and nephews when they are born.  William's "Frog" blanky is his favorite.  In fact each of the kids formed an attachment to their blanket that Aunt Amanda made.  Amanda was expecting her first child and had a quilt on the frame for her own baby when Sage passed away.  The quilt remains untouched on the frame.  Why?  Because when Spencer found Sage in his crib the quilt Amanda made covered his face and we have wondered if it contributed to his SIDS.  Amanda feels guilty.  We have all told her it wasn't her fault.  It was Sage's time to go if not that quilt then another.  At least it was with a quilt that was made with love by someone who loved him.  Crystal is also grateful because it wasn't a store bought quilt.  It's difficult for her to go to church or the store and see someone with the same diaper bag, toy, outfit or blanket as Sage had.  It would have been very hard to see a baby with the same blanket he passed away with.  Instead it was a "one of a kind".

The night before Sage died Crystal sat on the couch and visited with William about the scouting program.  He was excited to be receiving some awards at the upcoming banquet and they were making plans to work on projects for more badges.  When Sage was done nursing she carried him upstairs and put him to bed.

This morning when we arrived at the appointment we saw a young man in the lobby in his scout uniform.  He was delivering home made Quilts/blankets.  He told us it was his Eagle Scout project and that the quilts were to be given to children of domestic violence.  He had hoped for 50 quilts but said, "It just exploded!  I got 150!"   

Crystal and I just looked at each other.  She said mom it's a boy scout!  The last thing I did was nurse Sage while I talked to William about the scouting program.  His Eagle project was home made quilt's for children!

We didn't receive his stuff by mail as we were told.  We ended up not picking them up at the coroners office but instead at the County Sherriff's Office.  On the same day and time as this young Eagle Scout.  We couldn't help but feel that Heavenly Father and Sage intended for all of us to be there at that particular time. 

Many people had made quilts out of love for children as did Aunt Amanda for her nephew.  Crystal has thought many times since Sage passed that she wished she had known it would be the last time she would hold and nurse him.  She said she would have given all of her attention to him instead of working on scouts.  Sage was letting her and Aunt Amanda know it was okay...all was as it should have been.

The woman came out with Sage's things.  They were sealed in a brown box marked Evidence-  3-19-09.  Then the items were wrapped in plain brown paper.  She said, "First off let me offer my heartfelt condolences".  Then she asked if we wanted her to open the box or if we just wanted to take it home.  Crystal looked to me and I said, "Lets open it and make sure it's Sage's".  Crystal and Spencer agreed and the box was opened.   It was Sage's.

We also received a copy of the police report.  There were some things that the Police/Detectives wrote in their report that was nice.  Such as, "The home was full of family, friends, and neighbors expressing condolences"  and "the home was neat and orderly with the furnishings well taken care of".  They commented on each of the rooms and of course Sage's nursery.  They made note of his sailboat nautical theme and how nice his room was.  Then they said, "the quilt covering the baby appears to be hand made".  The way it was worded by the officer gave the impression that he was impressed that his quilt was hand made.  Of course there were things that were very hard to read and the detail of the report brought back the memory of that day.  Not that we can ever forget. 

We were surprised to see the little orange giraffe.  We didn't know it had been in his crib with him.

Today was difficult but we could feel the Spirit of the Holy Ghost giving us strength and comfort every step of the way.  Thank you to friends, family and strangers that have prayed for my family.  I truly believe one day we will all be in Heaven and we will be shown every prayer by everone that has petitioned the Father on our behalf and all the blessings we received because of those prayers will be made known.
  Sage on the quilt Aunt Amanda made


Sharron said...

I'm so thankful that you had this experience right now. I hope it helps bring at least a little more closure.

What do we mean when we say that anyway, closure? I never thought about it before. Maybe opening would be a better word. Openness to accept, learn to live with, to feel the mature spirit that was housed in the perfect little body that we held in our arms, smelled their baby sweetness, felt the softness, experienced their presence.

I am also thankful that you had those who were sensitive to you and what you were going through.

Have a wonderful day together now, feeling Sage and his closeness.

Brenda said...

I know many lives have been touched by this sweet little life that came for such a short time. I am so impressed with the example or grace and dignity and faith that your family has been for everyone. We love you!

Cori White said...

How sweet that the scout was there with handmade quilts. Heavenly Father knew it would be a hard day.. and made it a bit easier.. Im sure Sage and He had it planned that way :)
How neat you found an extra giraffe.. like a suprise. We were praying for you and know thats what helps the most! Happy Birthday!
We love you!

Evan Reker said...

Thank you for Sharing Crystal

I will be praying for your whole family this Christmas season.

Denise Reker

Misty Rice said...

Sending you many hugs....

My heart felt a rip reading and viewing photos. I always let me mind "go there."

It went there...

and I began to feel only a glimpse of what you are truly experiencing. Seeing those things that belong to your little boy. Knowing those are the last things that he wore or held before his time.

I am glad you are capturing these times... so over the years you can see the pain the praises, the tears and the joys.

God loves you..


Anonymous said...

My heart is heavy and full and I am sitting here crying out of pain and yet comforted knowing that Sage is forever sealed to his loving parents and siblings. I am truly sorry for you and this moment that you are feeling, I can only feel that pain you have holding his sweet little toy. I thought about you this day and how brave you are to go and retrieve his things. I couldn't even look at my husband's clothes when the people at the mortuary gave them back, I just couldn't, Lani had to take it all the while crying and hugging it calling her dad's name. I have to say, I got goosebumbs about the scout ordeal....I believe Heavenly Father put him there to cross path with you on this particular day to comfort you and let you know, All IS WELL!!! I can only say the first Christmas, holidays, and birthdays are very painful and I don't know if it will ever be easy! My kids and I had our first family pictures without their dad and I got pretty emotional when I first saw the pics knowing where he would've stood and where our youngest would've stand. I am here, I am a great listener, let me know if you need to just talk, cry, talk and cry some more...We love you!!!!

Carolyn said...

What nice tender mercies, but still I am so sorry you all have to go through all of this. We continue to pray and are here if you ever need anything.

Mama Byrd said...

I sometimes go into my closet and Pull out the memory box I have Stanford's stuff in. His tiny hand made blanket, like Sage's is one of a kind. I sit and smell it, stroke it and hold it as if he were still in it. The tiny hat still has stains, his ashes traveled with us this Christmas. It will be cherish for life and one of the 1st things I reach for in a fire. I'd be lost without them