Friday, May 29, 2009

Grocery Shopping

We have not gone grocery shopping since Sage passed away with the exception of a few basic items such as milk. I used to be the coupon queen and have worked hard at building up a 3 month supply of "pantry" food in addition to a year supply of basic essentials. I am grateful for our food storage and SO thankful I was prepared. Most people, myself included, think you need food storage for a natural disaster, loss of job or the Death of a Husband. No body thinks about needing food storage for the death of a child. Why would the death of a child affect your food storage you might ask? Well it never occured to me that the simple act of grocery shopping would become a traumatic experience and take a toll on me and my husband the way that it has. It never occured to me that you might need food storage just because you can not mentally prepare a shopping list or deal with seeing babies. Who wants to risk spotting a child in the same baby carrier or out fit your son had? Or walk by a toy and realize the same toy was hanging from his car seat and oh how he loved it! Yes my husband missed 2 weeks of work but because we were prepared we really did not notice the lack of income. Last night I finally decided we needed some food in the house because our pantry was nearly bare. I was having a good moment! I grabbed my coupon book and went shopping. I got what I needed except the much needed box of baby wet wipes for Jayden. I can not bring myself to go down the baby aisle. I found this poem today and it really hits the nail on the head of how I feel. One day I will be able to go shopping without feeling like this but, for know it is not so much fun for me.

As I persue the aisles,
of the local store,
I see things more differently,
than I ever have before.

"Daddy's Little Angel",
the embroidered bibs do read.
But, Daddy's angel is in Heaven,
and bibs he does not need.

He does not need a bottle,
a teddy or a toy.
Of buying those things for him,
we shall never know the joy.

There are tiny jars of baby food,
that he will never eat,
And shiny shoes with buckles,
that will never touch his feet.

As the bikes and trikes taunt me,
from high up on the rack,
Tears will break free from my eyes,
if I dare look back.

I run off to the restroom,
to blow my nose and cry.
I wipe my eyes, swallow hard,
and let out a sigh.

I must go face the paper,
college and wide rule,
That my little angel,
will never use in school.

I hurry past the greeting cards,
that the people chose with care,
And I am reminded,
of the holidays we shall not share.

In the checkout line I bow my head,
and heavy is my heart,
For the family right in front of me,
has a newborn in their cart.

Shopping in the local store,
used to be mundane.
Now every aisle's full of items,
which remind me of my pain.

So, quick as I can, I give the cashier,
the money from my purse,
And hurry away from those who don't know my pain,
in this foriegnly happy universe.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

The day after Sage passed away this is the video we watched over and over again. I bought the DVD with this slide show on it. This song was sang at his funeral. This song brings me comfort and strength everyday. This video helps me see the BIGGER picture. To know that because of my loving Savior Jesus Christ, I can be with Sage again. I look forward to that day everyday. Learning to be patient is the hardest part of all of this. I want the grieving to be over, the sadness, the pain, the hurt, and the anger. I know that one day all of this will be taken from me and I will feel overwhelming happiness and peace. Patience is what I pray for everyday. Not in my time but the Lords time. Until then, somehow I have to learn to carry on and find joy in the journey I have ahead of me. Sage is only missing from time and not Eternity. I look forward to Eternity each day!

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

3. O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

My favorite line is "Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

With These Two Hands

The Lord always says he will never give us more than we can handle. He knows our strengths and our weakness. He says that he will make weak things strong. I have had to ask my Heavenly Father to help me find my strength to carry on. I was prompted to go to one of my old journal's and read it. This is what I found as soon as I opened the journal. What a comfort this has been to own own Testimony. Another of His tender mercies shown unto me. That I am strong enough with his help to carry on. He gave me these two hands to accomplish great and marvelous things. I will not let him down just as my Savior has never let me down.
It reads
With these two hands, I promise my Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith, my Family, and my Son that I will only do good with them. I will help others, and serve others. I will be a friend. I will do things to bring others up. I vow to be a good Mom to my Son Will and to my future children. At the end of each day I will look at my hands and think of all the things they did and how neat it will be to see where they will take me. I will choose the right. And hold fast to the Iron Rod. I will pray daily and read my scriptures daily. I will remember my Father who is in heaven. I know the Savior died on the Cross for me and I know He lives. With these two hands I will do what the Lord needs me to do.
Love Crystal July 17, 2001
Sage Lawrence Eldredge was born on July 17th 2008.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Photos From Sage's Services

These pictures were taken for us by Kim Skinner. Kim is the daughter of Howard Post, western artist and good family friend. He was also our families Bishop for many years. We are so thankful for all they have done for us. Bishop, sorry I can't bring myself to call him Howard he will always be my Bishop, spoke at Sage's funeral services and Kim photographed the viewing and cemetery. She made a beautiful slide show that we are not quite ready to share. It contains photos of Sage and they are so dear and special to our hearts that we can't bring ourselves to post them for public viewing. So for now here are some photos from the slide show. Thank you Kim for doing something we couldn't do that day it meant so much to us.
The Relief Society had the foyer decorated with 33 differnt pictures of Sage, his "Boys Rock" blanket given to him by Aunt RaLee and other precious things that remind us of him.
The white quilt is of the Mesa, Arizona Temple. It was hand drawn and quilted by Crystal's Grandmother, Leone Reidhead, from Holbrook, Arizona. This quilt was given to Crystal and Spencer on their wedding day. She wanted it displayed because this quilt represents the day they were married for Time and All Eternity...the beginning of their Journey to Forever.

Sage's Viewing
The flowers that were on top of his casket. They were chosen by Crystal and Spencer because they reminded them of all the flowers they had seen on their vacation to San Diego just days before Sage's passing.

This little toy was buried with Sage

Great Uncle Jim, Grandpa Teele, Father Spencer, Sister Jayden, Mother Crystal and Aunt RaLee

Mom & Dad

Crystal Comforting her sons, William and Wayne

Big Brothers William and Wayne

Crystal and her Grandpa Reidhead
Sages Little Cousin Kennedy looking at Sage's photos

Tears from Great Uncle Jim (black) and Grandpa Teele (white)
Crystal and Wayne
Spencer comforting his son William
Crystal and William
Grandpa & Jayden
Leaving the Chapel after the services

Hundreds of balloons were released in memory of Sage
Uncle John Griggs

Uncles, DJ & Royal, Grandpa Teele, Friend Jon Huish and Grandpa Eldredge
Friends and Neighbors Jeremy and Kat

Great Grandpa Jordan & Aunt Amanda
Spencer, Trey & Crystal
Great Aunt Kathy, Aunt Jessica, Great Aunt Vallery, Uncle John Caldwell & Cousin Kaitlen

Uncle DJ
Jayden & her best friend "Bear"
A red balloon for baby brother
Hugs from a Daddy

Two Grandpas, Reidhead and Eldredge

Paul Bearers, Grandpa Reidhead, Grandpa Eldredge, Uncle Royal (back), Uncle DJ (front)

Balloon Release

William, Grandma and Spencer

Beautiful Flowers

Lowering the casket
Grandpa didn't know Crystal wanted the flowers burried with him so he lay on the ground and took them out for her. Yes the back of his hat say's "Slimy" his grandsons wanted him to have that sticker for his hat and he refuses to remove it. He does love his grandchildren!

Crystal later said that she was so upset when his casket was lowered that she had to go to her car just to compose herself before returning. She felt like the flowers comforted her and that it was nice not having to leave the cemetery with "empty arms". They decided to let the children put the flowers back on his casket before burial. This was a huge comfort to them and made them feel like they were doing something for their little brother.

Great Grandma Reidhead, Great Great Aunt Vivian, Grandma Liz, Uncle Royal

Bishop Howard Post