Tuesday, June 30, 2009

246 Gloroius Days

I am having a difficult time knowing that in a few weeks Sage would be turning 1 years old. I should be planning a birthday party and not be picking out a headstone. Part of you wants to let Satan win and become a very bitter, mad, pissed off individual. I have decided that this would get me no where fast. Instead I have to constantly look around me and see my many blessings. See the beauty of my Heavenly Fathers plan and cling to the eternal perspective of all of this.

Most babies die from SIDS around 2-4 months old. It is rare for an infant to die from SIDS at 8 months 2 days old though not unheard of. If Sage had passed away at 4 months old it would have been around the holidays and most of the other kids birthdays. This would have been awful for us to bare. Instead he passed away a few months after the holidays. Giving our family many more cherished moments with our little boy!

I think about death alot and wonder would you rather know ahead of time that the person is going to pass away or would you rather have no idea. This is something I will struggle with forever. I watched this video and it broke my heart. Elliot had the same mission as Sage did. They both needed to come to earth and receive their body's and to teach all of those around them. Elliot had to struggle for every breath and eating was even a chore. I think back over Sages life and his life was perfect he only knew what pain felt like a few times. For this I am grateful. I am grateful I did not have to see my baby suffer and struggle. I am grateful for all 246 HEALTHY days I got to spend with Sage on this earth. I am looking forward to his birthday with hope. I am going to celebrate the time we had together. Celebrate his life and celebrate that he made it back home to his loving Heavenly Father and Mother.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Sage's Life Sketch

The life sketch that was given by Sage's grandmother at his funeral services can now be viewed/read by clicking on the link to the right. We wanted it to be available to all who visit his memorial blog so it is now a permanent link. I want everyone to have a chance to hear his story and to know just how special he was to our family.

I also wanted to thank everyone who have visited his site. We feel that each visit helps keep his memory alive. We also want to thank those who have taken the time to leave a comment. You will never know how much your words of love, support and encouragement have given Sage's family much needed comfort, peace and hope.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Holding him in my Heart.

Once upon a time I loved to hear the question from others, "How many children do you have?" With pride and confidence I would proudly state, "I am the Mother of 5 children!" We have been blessed with 4 boys and 1 little girl! I would simply say my husband is #8 of 10 and I am #1 of 6! We have always wanted a large family! We love babies and children and we are planning on having more!

Now I dread this question. How does one answer this question after a child departs? How many children do you have? UMMMMM you feel the tears swelling up in side.....find your Poker face.....you feel the walls forming around your heart.....to keep you from losing it in front of total strangers.

I still have no idea how to answer this dreaded question. We have 4 living children and 1 in Heaven? We have 5 kids? We have 4 kids? I don't have 4 kids you want to scream! I know that I am still Sage's Mother. Even though I may not be carrying him on my hip, changing his diaper or teaching him new things or sending out birthday party invitations. What I am doing goes so much deeper than that. I am getting up everyday and facing the new day without him on my hip or in his high chair at the kitchen table. I am still staying strong in the Gospel so that one day I will be found worthy to be his Mother. I know that I was his earthly Mother and kept up my end of the deal to bring him here to give him his body. I know that he loves me because I am his earthly Mother.

So when the question arises you feel like you want the world to know that you are a Mother to 5 children. Even if you are not holding him in your arms, you are holding him in your heart, in your prayers, and in your every waking moment of your life you are desparatley holding on to your memories of him.

If anyone has an answer to this question please let me know what do you say?

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.

A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to fill your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say

"We go to earth and learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here."

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are OK
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with me
Until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
(Jennifer Wasik)