Monday, October 26, 2009

What would I give?

What would I give for just another ordinary day? The boys were playing in “Jayden’s” doll box! I thought it was cute so I took some pictures. I miss the mess and the baby playing at his big brothers feet. I miss these moments so much.

Sage,

Mommy is missing you more and more each day. I ache to hold you in my arms. My arms feel so empty and my heart is so sad. You sure are a handsome little fella! Your brother’s miss you as well. William cries almost everyday. Wayne prays that he will see you in his dreams. Trey knows that you are in Heaven with Jesus. Jayden thinks you are taking a very long nap. Daddy is heart broken and will not say much. This is so hard learning to live again in a world with out you in it.

I am however grateful that I know that one day I will get to hold you again and that not all hope is lost. I get jealous that you are there and I am here left waiting for time to slowly click by.

Sometimes I get angry at you! Yes, perfect innocent little you. You came and made all of us so happy! Then you just left us like a thief in the night! You left your Mommy with a huge mess to clean up! Everyone is sad, everyone is broken, and everything is never going to be the way it used to be.

Sometimes I wonder if you look down on me and I wonder what you think of me? Are you proud of me? Do you love me? Do you miss us as much as we miss you? Do you think I am handling this well?

Selfishly, I want you here. I know deep down your earthly mission was over and you needed to go home.  I know he needs you more than we do, one day I will remember why?

I hope you know just how happy you made all of us. I hope you know we all miss you and look forward to a glorious resurrection! On that day, Selfishly I will hold, kiss and cuddle you! You will not be set down on the floor to play with a hot pink dolly! No, you will be on my hip, sitting in my lap and occupying my arms! I hope you enjoyed your walker, jumper and swing while you here because yet again you will not need them! My Mommy arms are aching to hold you! Sage we all miss you and can’t wait to see you again someday!

Love your,

Momma

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3 comments:

Sharron said...

I love this post Crystal. I still can not imagine having a sweet baby in your home and then having him gone. Every time I hold Lincoln, my heart swells and breaks for all of you. He just turned 8 months old. As he has been creeping around, I think of how this is what Sage was doing. We think & pray of you daily, multiple times.

Misty Rice said...

Oh I crying massive tears as I read your post, then as I viewed the pictures, they really made me giggle. Him holding the girl doll and your other son with the naked barbie. Too funny.

We all miss you Sage, even me, who never knew or met you.

God Bless.

The Reluctant Crunchy Mama said...

Hugs, lots and lots of hugs. I cannot even begin to comprehend your pain, but, as a mother, I know it must be the worst thing one could experience. Your faith and strength inspire me. Even though I don't know you guys, your little Sage is in my thoughts each and every day.