The past few weeks I have been trying to remember every detail I can remember of Sage and our short time together. I remembered that 1 1/2 weeks before he died Uncle DJ and I took all five kids to Hobby Lobby. I needed to find the perfect baby shower invites for Amanda's little Izzy. I recall just laughing at DJ trying to watch all 5 kids while I shopped around. I heard him hauler at a kid every know and again...saying..."Don't touch that!" or "You need to go pee again?" "Lets go see if your Mom is done yet!" "Get back over here and stay with the group!" I giggled and enjoyed my alone time in Hobby Lobby! I look over and here comes Uncle DJ with all five kids in tow and each kid had a little goodie/toy. DJ said it was the only thing that kept all of them happy! He said, "We are buying them and that was that!" I laughed because DJ looked so desperate to keep them all quite and he finally did it! I do not remember anything about what toys the other kids got. I just remember looking down at Sage he was holding his little rattle in his hand shaking it and laughing so hard! Sage loved his little rattle and I thought he looked so adorable sitting in his Dinosaur car seat holding his little toy from Uncle DJ.
Well like I said, I have not gone through any of Sages things up until the past few weeks. It is just to difficult for me. I have been thinking about the last days of his life and what we did together. I remember Hobby Lobby and I remembered the little rattle. I thought it was long gone by now and never thought I would see it again. I never even bothered to look for the 25 cent plastic rattle. Today, I went to Sages closet to find a diaper stacker that was Williams when he was a baby and out fell Sages little toy rattle from Hobby Lobby.
I picked it up and just cried. I had found the rattle...or the rattle found me. I like to think of it as a little Mothers Day present from Sage. I had told no one about the rattle and that I wished I had it. To me it means the world. One more tangible reminder that he was here with our family. One more memory that I have to hold on to.
Montana Trip Part I
4 years ago