Sunday, April 18, 2010

How do you plan your baby's funeral?

A few days ago I was digging in all of our piles of unopened mail from the past year. When I came across this piece of paper. At first I chucked into the trash pile then, I picked it up and realized what it was. This is the piece of paper I planned Sages funeral on. 
I remember deciding at some point I needed to be the one to do this, that no one else could do this for me. I remember falling to my knees and just praying that somehow I would know how too plan my Son's funeral. 
I grabbed a piece of plain white computer paper and started planning.
This is where it gets sad/comical however you decide to view it. For me I truly realize just how out of it I really was. 

1. Presiding Bishop Borgous...he has been my Bishop for a long time...I spelled his last name wrong.
2. opening prayer Richard prayer
3. Be still my soal...spelled wrong again...never even heard the song just came to my mind...even at the funeral I did not know one word to the song. sctech...spelled wrong...I felt so bad asking my mother to do this for me...she was more out of it than me I think. I knew that no one knew my little man better than my Mother knew him. She had to be the one.
5. Children sing musical...I crossed that off for some reason...I guess the kids would not feel up to singing.
6. Lords Helaman...the correct title to that song is "We'll Bring the World His Truth". 
7. Dad give talk...I was surprised Dad called and said I am talking at that boys funeral...okay no arguments from me...was I shocked Dad is not a man to want to give a talk.
8. I crossed out Musical #...some lady I called said thanks but no thanks!
9.President Rothisberger...I thought if this man talks then this must be true and not a joke so I crossed him off the list as well.
10. had been my Bishop for many years before I got married. I knew that he had lost a son named Wyatt...I needed him to talk.
11. good be we meet should have said..."God Be With You Till We Meet Again".
12. clothing remarks...closing remarks??
13. prayer JIM clothing prayer Jim Reidhed...Jim is my uncle...I spelled my Maiden name wrong...Reidhead...and I guess all I could think about was Sages burial clothing. 
14. Cementary
15. Lunchin
16. Home to Silence..........
My Sister In Law Carolyn said she would be willing to make his programs. I called her or she called me and this is the piece of paper I used to describe to her over the phone the funeral plans. She asked if I wanted a musical # I said yes, she asked if I had any ideas. I gave her my one and only idea. She said I have that sheet music and I know just the perfect guy for the job. Some how Carolyn, Gary, Ellen and Debbie where able to come up with his program and life slide show. I think they both turned out to be so beautiful. I am so thankful she was in tune with the Spirit and was able to make the programs that I really wanted for my perfect little baby boy. Carolyn and Richard did so much me and my family. I will be forever grateful to them.
I pray that I never have to plan another child's funeral ever again.


Liz said...

You know I have to say that losing Sage was the hardest thing I've ever done...Sewing his burial clothing! I have sewn since I was little I sewed wedding gowns at age 17 and my own at 18 but for the life of me I couldn't remember how to thread my machine, read a pattern, or figure out SNAP TAPE! I couldn't see because the tears wouldn't stop coming. Then his life sketch! Oh my...your journals helped and of course we talked for days about every little memory and you would say, "Mom tell them such and such", then the sketch turned into a LONG sketch and I worried and worried about the length. The night before I told you and SPencer my concerns and you read the talk and said, "No give it...All of is!" Spencer said, "That little baby never gave any body ONE moment of trouble not one bit of animosity did he create. This sketch is for him and us so give it as is...I remember looking at the pictures of the funeral and I thought..."Liz you didn't even look sad" then when I looked at them the other night I thought, "Liz you looked awful!" I cry every night...Yes I can imagine how hard planning his funeral must have been and how easy it would be to forgetting how to spell...I forgot how to sew...your brain just dies and grief takes over.
The funeral was beautiful and people still talk about the spirit that was felt there. It was a wonderful tribute to 8 perfect months and one perfect little boy.

Mariah said...

Oh Crystal, what a huge mountain to had to climb. His program and slide show were beautiful. Be Still My Soul is one of my favorite songs, it's just one of those songs that really speaks to your soul. When the men stood and sang The Army of Helaman (I can never remember the real title either) I had the most profound spiritual experience I've had in a long time. My soul was pierced...oh what a time we're living in right now. The experience I had during that song is carefully tucked away in my heart never to be forgotten. It was an absolutely amazingly beautiful number. I cried the whole time your mom gave the life story, and realized how important journals are, so much came from your very own records. Then when your Dad stood up I lost it completely. I sat in awe of that rough, tough, scrappy cowboy standing before us with a testimony so strong it filled the room. The words he shared were beautiful, (I can't see the screen right now through the tears just thinking about it) full of truth and spoken straight from his aching heart. There are a couple very specific parts that I think about regularly. I will never forget the things whispered to my soul that day never. We love you, and are sending big hugs your way.