Once upon a time I loved to hear the question from others, "How many children do you have?" With pride and confidence I would proudly state, "I am the Mother of 5 children!" We have been blessed with 4 boys and 1 little girl! I would simply say my husband is #8 of 10 and I am #1 of 6! We have always wanted a large family! We love babies and children and we are planning on having more!
Now I dread this question. How does one answer this question after a child departs? How many children do you have? UMMMMM you feel the tears swelling up in side.....find your Poker face.....you feel the walls forming around your heart.....to keep you from losing it in front of total strangers.
I still have no idea how to answer this dreaded question. We have 4 living children and 1 in Heaven? We have 5 kids? We have 4 kids? I don't have 4 kids you want to scream! I know that I am still Sage's Mother. Even though I may not be carrying him on my hip, changing his diaper or teaching him new things or sending out birthday party invitations. What I am doing goes so much deeper than that. I am getting up everyday and facing the new day without him on my hip or in his high chair at the kitchen table. I am still staying strong in the Gospel so that one day I will be found worthy to be his Mother. I know that I was his earthly Mother and kept up my end of the deal to bring him here to give him his body. I know that he loves me because I am his earthly Mother.
So when the question arises you feel like you want the world to know that you are a Mother to 5 children. Even if you are not holding him in your arms, you are holding him in your heart, in your prayers, and in your every waking moment of your life you are desparatley holding on to your memories of him.
If anyone has an answer to this question please let me know what do you say?
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to fill your womb
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth and learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here."
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are OK
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with me
Until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Montana Trip Part I
5 years ago