Sunday, June 20, 2010

Jayden and baby sister.

Spencer, Jayden, and I went to my 29 week ultra sound/appointment. Jayden sat on the table next to me and kept giving me hugs and loves during the entire ultra sound. She was in awe of her new baby sister in my belly and kept saying how cute she was. She laughed every time the baby moved. During the ultra sound Jayden looked at me and said MOM....that is not Sage in your tummy....When is Sage being Born again....then she kept repeating over and over again....SAGE IS DEAD MOM? The ultra sound tech lifted the Doppler off my tummy and just began bawling  her eyes out. I turned on my side and talked to Jayden about Sage and where he is. I explained that this baby is not Sage and that he will come back later when Jesus comes. It took about 10 minutes to explain things Jayden. I rolled back on my back and the ultra sound tech had tears still rolling down her face. She turned the machine to 3D ultrasound and showed us the baby from every angle possible. She was so nervous and upset that she was literally digging the doppler into my tummy. It hurt so bad. Finally she said is there anything else you want to see? No my belly was hurting! When I got up and was heading out the door she patted me on the back and told me I was an amazing Mother. It made me tear up.
Grief is never know when the waves will come crashing down around you. Spencer and me where doing fine and enjoying the moment. When grief struck Jayden. It is moments like these that are difficult for me. It is hard to explain to a 3 year that her baby brother died. It makes no sense to her. I pray that this new baby will help all of my children heal. I am thankful she is a girl so the little ones will see her differently than they saw Sage. Bows and Dresses!

Baby girl is healthy and strong. She is weighing almost 4 pounds give or take a few ounces. Judging from the pictures she looks on the chunky side to me. She is very active and we all look forward to her arrival. A baby that I can love and cuddle on daily and I do not have to give back to the Mother it belongs to. She will belong to me!


Georgia said...

I am so happy she is healthy. She is beautiful, look at those lips!!
I was thinking about Sage yesterday and how greif has a ripple effect on everyone, especially you and your children. That is so hard Crystal, just when you want to find some normalcy and peace it waves up again. I can testify there are angels administering to you and your children. love you.

J+C+4=FUN said...

She is so cute. Josh always asks me why I cry when I read this. Well he got a taste of it tonight. Thanks for allowing the Spirit to be with you as you write your feelings down. Love you guys.
I'm glad Jayden has a sister to play with too.

Aston Family said...

What a sweet girl Jayden is! Her sweet spirit is refreshing. I love her innoncence and know that she is a strong spirit. I can't wait for your newest addition and another baby girl!!! She will be a great BIG sister to baby GIRL!! :)She is so lucky you are her mommy! As always love and prayers your way! We think of you guys always!

peachytiffers said...

She's right, you are a great mother!