Wednesday, November 25, 2009


This was a picture I took of myself  last Thanksgiving….we were on our way to my Mom’s house to eat! I was so excited and felt so blessed. I had a wonderful husband who loved me more than words could say and I had a van full of little children! Healthy, beautiful, happy, little children. We had enough food to feed a small army! Spencer and I had just enough money in the bank to provide Christmas for our family! We had been sealed in the Temple for all ETERNITY! We truly had Heaven right here on earth!  I truly felt blessed beyond measure!
Who knew that my little bubble was ticking away and that is was about to burst. I look at this picture and part of me wishes I could go back in time and truly enjoy each and every second of my life more but, I look at this picture and I know that I was enjoying my life! I was thankful for all of my blessings!
This year I am going to get dressed up and put on my fake it till I make it face and try my hardest to be happy and Thankful for all of my very many blessings. I know that the Lord has blessed us beyond measure this year. I know he has carried me, when all I want to do is sit on my butt and dig my heals into the sand!  He has pushed me to try harder and grow just a little bit more. My Heavenly Father has given me many gifts this year but, the greatest gift of all is an Eternal Family.
So no, little Sage will not be sitting in his little high chair tomorrow putting olives on all ten of his perfect little fingers! No, I will never know what Thanksgiving food he would like served on his plate. No, I won’t ever have all of my children around one dinner table and that kills me. I will always have an empty chair at my table every year and it hurts so bad.
Bishop Nevitt once told me that Mother hood is sometimes like a cactus, he said some times it hurts to be a MOTHER! Most, days I am proud to be Sages Mother but tonight and tomorrow it hurts. I pray that I will feel the much needed peace that I need to feel. I pray the Spirit of the Holy Ghost will be with me. I pray that my Heavenly Father will carry me these next couple of days so I do not feel the sting of the cactus.
I want Sage to know how much we all miss him…how hard we are working to be happy and enjoy each other to the fullest! How hard Daddy and me are pressing forward with faith and determination to be with you again someday.
Tomorrow, when every one is sitting around talking about all they are grateful for. I want my Heavenly Father to know that I love him no matter what. I see his hand in all he has done for me. I am Thankful for the truth. I am Thankful that I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Without all of my knowledge of all of these great and precious truths, I think being Sages Mother would hurt too bad…I would give up. I am thankful that I know that Death is not the end……..I am Thankful that I got to be Sage's Mother know matter how bad this hurts.



Sharron said...

Oh Crystal, I knew that these months would be so hard for you and all of your family. I think of you, Spencer and your mom every, often repeatedly. Every time I hold Lincoln in my arms, I think of you and wonder how is it possible that you do continue on.

I am so thankful that we do have the gospel in its completeness. That we know that this life is just a moment in the eternities. Isn't it amazing how long this moment is though.

I really pray that the next few weeks will be busy and as happy as possible. I hope that you can feel the gift joy in your giving to others.

I know that Sage is aware of you and Spencer. He knows of your love and that you miss him. I also know that he is happy and is anxious for when he can be with you again.

We all love you and wish you the best in all you do and pray for you constantly.

Marie said...

Beautiful post Crystal. Sage is very proud of you. He WILL be at that table tomorrow, you may not see him but he will be there.