Monday, August 24, 2009

Time and Grief

The road we have had to travel since Sage passed has been difficult to say the least. Some days I think, "Okay I can do this" and then other day's I can barely breathe for missing him so much.

We have all heard the saying "Time Heals Everything". I really hate that saying because time doesn't heal anything. Heavenly Father is the healer time is just something that passes while we try to figure our how to live in this new normal of ours. It's not as if something magical happens one year to date your loved one left you and suddenly your healed and you don't miss them anymore. There is no specified amount of time that guarantees you will be Healed once you reach it. Somebody said to me last month, "Isn't she over this yet?" Are you serious? Shortly after Sage died a woman in her 80's wrote to Crystal and shared with her how she felt the day her baby died and how much she has missed him. She is 80 and despite the passage of time she still longs for her baby and misses him every day.

Crystal and I have had the following conversation dozens of times since he passed. "Wow I can't believe he's been gone one week." Then one month, two and now it's been Five months. Five months since we heard his little voice or kissed his chubby cheeks. It's been very hard to describe how we have felt about "Time" since that day. It' feels like it drags on and yet it feels like it's speeding by so fast that we just want to jump off the roller coaster! Then a woman in Crystal's Ward who lost her husband in a plane crash two years ago summed the whole time thing up for us. She said, " It is because half your heart is with them, where there is no time and the other half of your heart is here where everything is measured by time yet you're waiting until the time you are together again." What comfort these words have given us. It is so very true because we are trying so hard to get through this here on earth where everyday he is gone is measured. We don't even try to understand the "why" of all of this because it can take you to some very dark places. So you just have to have Faith and keep looking at it through an Eternal Perspective where there is no time.

Heavenly Father has given us so much to help us through our trials and just when you think you can't do this any more something happens and you feel strengthened and your able to continue on. Like the comforting words of a friend or the comfort and peace I felt when I looked at these paintings of Greg Olson's this evening. He is such a talented artist.

So with our eye toward Heaven time passes on and we take comfort in knowing Sage is never far away. That through Christ's Atonement he takes away our pain and wipes our tears while we fight the bonds of "earthly time" and struggle to find our way Home again where life is eternal.


Tamra and Jim said...

I still can't even fathom what your family goes through daily in dealing with the loss of Sage. I know it's almost insurmountable but so thankful we know the Plan of Salvation and that Families are Forever!

Sharron said...

Thank you this sweet post. Knowing that many families are going through the same pain doesn't lesson the sting, does it? I wake up in the morning so often and remember all over again that little Sage has gone on ahead of everyone. It makes such an impact each time. And I only saw him a couple of times.

Take care and remember you are in our prayers. Love all of you!

Stephen said...

I can't imagine the road your sweet family has been traveling on. So many of us keep all of you in our prayers constantly, I hope it's enough to provide at least a little bit of a cushion during this rocky time. My heart just absolutely aches for you. Know that you are never far from our thoughts.

Sheryl said...

You might enjoy something a friend of mine wrote about time and how it doesn't really heal. She's lost 2 children. Here's a link to her blog and the post I'm referring to is titled "Weak".

Thinking of your family often.

Marie said...

I'm always shocked when I hear how often parents who have lost children are expected to be over people really think you get over something like that? And to actually say it to someone makes me feel a little ill.

Tragically, another family has just begun this journey. The Jones Family have just lost their 4 month old Ayden to SIDS. Perhaps you have some word for them as someone who understands all too well what they are going through.

Marie said...

Oh Liz bless you for writing such a heartfelt message to the Jones Family. When I read about Ayden I immediately thought of Sage and thought you and Crystal would be just the right people to speak to them because you have walked the same path. Bless you for being so caring towards others in your own grief, you truly are a special family.

Carolyn said...

Thank you for your words Liz. My heart still aches for all who are affected by the loss of Sage. It helps me put things into better perspective and hold on to my kids a little tighter.