Sunday, March 29, 2009

Prayer

Prayer, I have always prayed to my Father in Heaven and have always felt his loving arms around me. The loss of our dear Sweet little baby Sage has been overwhelming. I have so many emotions surging through me. It is hard to figure out what one you should try to grasp onto first. My need to stop and Pray is what helps me the most. To stop and Thank my Father in Heaven for "ALL" of my many blessings. Couples Prayer is what is helping Spencer and I get through our days and nights.

I feel that my family has been through an EARTHQUAKE. That now we have been placed at a fork in our road and we can choose to go left and walk that path alone in our grief and heartbreak or we can choose to go right. Choosing right means not having to walk this path alone. I keep pleading with my Father In Heaven to not leave our family alone on this path but to carry us. I do not know what we would have done if we did not have the knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. What would I have done with out the knowledge of the plan of salvation. I had never been so happy and comforted than knowing that we had been Sealed together as a family for Time and all Eternity. What peace and comfort that gave me. I know that this was Heavenly Fathers plan for me and my family as hard as it is. My life is in his hands, his time and his will for me. I pray I can be an instrument in his hands to carry on. I know that my little Man is in the loving arms of his Father in Heaven and that he is with his Savior Jesus Christ. If I could see through the Veil of Heaven and earth I would see that I too am being wrapped and carried as well.

I got some sleep last night which was good. I find Spencer and me both roaming the hallways of our home checking on the other children. I know we could not have changed Heavenly Father's Will for us that night. Checking on the other children now sorta helps us.
Love Crystal

9 comments:

Just an ordinary woman said...

I so desperately want to write words that will comfort you.. and yet nothing seems to be worthy of Sage and all that you are suffering.

I know that it must be very difficult for everyone in your family right now, but I especially send out my love and strength to you Crystal. I have two boys of my own, and my baby is only a couple of months younger than Sage - the thought of what your soul must be going through is heartbreaking. A mother's love is something so complete and unconditional - I know you must be very sore right now, but I am grateful that you find comfort in your family and or course in The Lord - may he continue to carry you through this dark time - and may you rest a little easier in the knowledge that Sage is already safe in the arms of Jesus.

Kerren
South Africa

carol said...

I don't think there are words to express your pain or my sympathy. My husband and I lost our son, born 6 weeks early in 1978. He lived 5 days but his lungs were not ready. Surfactent (sp) was not around then. We had a 2 year old and I had also lost a pregnancy at 20 weeks. I thought we would never smile again...a happy life was over... and especially wondered what is the point of prayer, we had so many praying and it didn't work. BUT, we were blessed with a daughter in 1979. To make this short, I will skip to the present. At 58 years old I look back on all we have been through in addition to that, and there is only one way I sit here today with a happy heart. God carried us then, even when we didn't believe. He didn't abandon us. I have told our story of our son, Curtis, and wondered if he loaned him to us for a special reason, for the times I have told friends or neighbors, in times of their loss, that a better day will come. Maybe even just for the day that I realized He had not ignored my prayers. His will was done and I didn't understand that. I simply needed a reason,much later in my life, to Believe! We never forget, the pain/loss just becomes easier to bear. It sounds so simple and it obviously isn't and I can't begin to understand the big picture. All I can do is trust. I do know that without God holding us in His Heart and Hands, this life would be very very hard. My husband has had many life threatening illnesses and I can always talk to our special guardian angel, Curtis, to keep his daddy safe. It comforts me. I hope this doesn't sound like I mean it will be easy. I want you to know you are not alone, you will be happy again, the days will become easier. I'm just a grandma wanting to send you some comfort and let you know that I care. God bless you and your family. I wish you comfort and peace.

Frugal Jen said...

I just found your blog from Kelly's. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. May the Lord wrap your family in love during this time of loss.

Kerrie said...

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy Sage. We have not "met" yet, I happened upon your blog via another. I too, lost a much longed for and greatly loved precious baby daughter to SIDS...I understand your pain.

You may not be ready yet but I'd like to direct you to the MISS Foundation - a non-profit organisation that does amazing work to support bereaved families. The women and men on the Forums are an amazing, compassionate, understanding and supportive group of people who understand the terrible grief that comes with a child dying.

Again, I am so, so sorry...Sage is a gorgeous baby boy.

Sending love, strength and peace...

Kerrie

noahandlylasmommi said...

I am so sorry for the loss of our beautiful baby boy. I am praying for your family. I dont have much to say because nothing I can say will ease the pain you are feeling. Just remember that God is good and that He will be glorified through Sage's life. I will be squeezing my little one's a little tighter tonight. God bless!

Adirondackcountrygal said...

I can't even find the words to tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful baby boy. May God bless and comfort you.

Terra and Adam said...

I am at a lose for words that will comfort you and your family. I do not have children (yet), and can't imagine the pain you are going through. I am a nurse and a nurse educator... and sometimes I am with grieving families. Your acts of love and honor for Sage will forever be in my heart as I minister to these families. As a nurse educator, I encourage my future nurses to see each story as it is and to minister with compassion and love. I tear up as I read how amazing your family is and know that the Peace of Jesus is annointing you right now. Thanks for being willing to share your story, and know that others will be Blessed. I know that doesn't make the pain and empty arms go away....
God Bless You All.
TB from Indiana

Misty said...

Dearest Crystal,

Your faith and dedication to our Father in Heaven is inspiring. I know you believe this, too, as I do about this little boy I am about to give birth to and know he will die shortly there-after - - these little boys, yours and mine, are perfect. Perfect in every way, and were/are ready far sooner than myself to progress eternally. What an amazing gift to know this... and to know you have also been touched by the hand of a perfect soul - - that God trusted you with him. You continue to be my hero. My heart aches with yours and I cry tears with you. Keep on keeping on. You inspire us to be better....

Love, Misty

Kristin Stegent said...

I cannot imagine the heartache you must feel. I have a 10-month-old baby girl, and think I would feel absolutely crushed if something like this happened to her. Jesus, hold Crystal and Spencer and these other precious kids! You are so precious to Him!