It started with I can’t believe he has been gone for 1 month. Wow one month. Where did the month go? 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 months gone longer than he was here, 9 months, today marks 10 months.
I think to myself I have every right to have a party in my family’s honor on the 19th of every month! 10 Months closer to being with Sage. 10 months we have stayed strong. 10 months we have held our family together. 10 months of pure gut wrenching heartache, but we are doing the hard things. 10 months of finding out what we really are made of. 10 months of my life that when I get back to Heaven, I know Heavenly Father will hug me and say well done! Today is one of those sad days where the tears find you and you cry.
I came home from car pooling and when I opened the garage door this is what I found! I was like those darn kids…..look at the mess they made now! Then I started laughing, my kids did not make this MESS they are in school! WHAT THE HEY???? Who did this??? I looked over and saw my Baby Brothers driving away from the scene of the crime! I just sat in my van, tears pouring down my face laughing my butt off!
All the women in my life have been wonderful! Plates of goodies, phone calls, texts, emails, service, and long talks. They have all helped but this…….for some reason, this helped me so much today! I guess even in your darkest hours you do not need to take life so SEROIUS! Sometimes it is okay to laugh and find the humor in the little things!
I am so thankful for my Little Brothers. The day Sage passed away they helped carry me. DJ, was in my bedroom when Sage’s little Spirit finally left his little body. DJ fought the police that kept interrogating Spencer and me. I know it was his way of trying to help. DJ does not like to talk about Sage at all. I know it is too painful for him. I know that he loves me and thinks the world of me and my family! The last day of Sages life was spent with Uncle Doy Jay eating at Burger King! I love you Doy Jay!
Royal, he came over almost every night that Spencer worked, those first couple of months afterwards. I had trouble sleeping, he would sit with me until I was finally able to go to sleep. He checked on the kids for me and let me talk about the hard things over and over again. Royal let me cry. Royal made sure Spencer was given a birthday party the day after Sage died. Royal did what I could not do for myself. I love you Royal.
I will never forget how I felt the last time I saw my Brothers hold Sage’s little body. How careful they were with him. I remember seeing grown boys turn into Men that day. I will forever be grateful for my Baby Brothers. So many times they have been there for me. So many times they have been the Big Brother and I the Baby Sister.
When it came time to pick pall bearers it was a difficult decision for us. So many Uncles, I knew all of them loved Sage and would be honored. I knew that none of them knew Sage the way Royal and Doy Jay did. Royal and Doy Jay each had changed his diapers, bathed him, carried his car seat for me, and given Sage nicknames. Royal called him “TANK”! Doy Jay called him his little “TATOR SPUD”! So we choose them to carry his casket along with both Grandpas. I stood still with tears swelling, when I saw my Baby Brothers carrying Sages casket. It is a feeling you will never understand until, you see 4 men carrying such a tiny casket and showing so much love and respect for the tiny rider inside. I carried Sage for 9 months, the world held him for 8 months 2 days and my Baby Brothers carried him the rest of the way for me. I will be forever grateful that they did this for me. I wonder if they stop to think they are the last ones that held this tiny perfect little baby boy? I think they do.
So today when my baby brothers rearranged my garage I laughed harder than I ever had and cried harder than I ever had. I am thankful for them and how much they love me! Spencer laughed and cried just as hard! The kids laughed all day long. My family needed a little laughter today!
Camping chairs with mop heads and bike helmets! For some reason I found this so funny!
Bikes up on jacks!
Upside down bikes!
Sages Grandpas and Uncles.
Sage Momma misses you today.
7 comments:
Okay thanks for the tears. Your brothers loved you and they sure loved Sage. They did a lot of growing up that day...I remember Royal standing in the kitchen with a broom in his hands...That was a FIRST! Your brothers look up to you and have so much respect for You and Spencer as people and parents. Thanks for being an example to them and thanks for laughing at their pranks.
First, this is another beautiful post.
Second, have you ever wondered if the more ornery guys are, the sweeter the spirits they are hiding? they just exposed themselves again, didn't they?
Good job boys!
Your brothers seem like the most wonderful guys. I remember a photo of you lying on the floor with Royal holding you, that was so beautiful. Not many brothers take care of their sisters like that. I'm glad you had them to help you through Sage "moving on to bigger and better things."
I am so glad you have such a supportive family. I can see how it helps immensely in times like these. I wish my family was closer like that.
Your blog is so honest and thorough. It's again, to me a blessing that you have the freedom and support to be like that. I tend to make people angry when I talk about bad days! I wonder if people don't give my children's lives as much credit because their lives were so short... I think that is part of the ministry - to teach people to value life at all stages.
I am so glad you have such a supportive family. I can see how it helps immensely in times like these. I wish my family was closer like that.
Your blog is so honest and thorough. It's again, to me a blessing that you have the freedom and support to be like that. I tend to make people angry when I talk about bad days! I wonder if people don't give my children's lives as much credit because their lives were so short... I think that is part of the ministry - to teach people to value life at all stages.
Crystal, Your FAMILY is AMAZING! And sooo strong! Sending lots of love and prayers your way always!
All I'm going to say is Aren't you grateful for that hard day in your life so long ago so that your family could be as close to one another now. Now when you needed it to be for this time. I often wonder why things happen the way they do and I have learned to trust in the Lord because He is the only one that knows the "why's" and the "how comes" because it will one day show itself to you and then you will say "Oh yeah, that's why." Thank you for the bond that no one can understand but me and you. Love you girl.
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