What would I give?

What would I give for just another ordinary day? The boys were playing in “Jayden’s” doll box! I thought it was cute so I took some pictures. I miss the mess and the baby playing at his big brothers feet. I miss these moments so much.

Sage,

Mommy is missing you more and more each day. I ache to hold you in my arms. My arms feel so empty and my heart is so sad. You sure are a handsome little fella! Your brother’s miss you as well. William cries almost everyday. Wayne prays that he will see you in his dreams. Trey knows that you are in Heaven with Jesus. Jayden thinks you are taking a very long nap. Daddy is heart broken and will not say much. This is so hard learning to live again in a world with out you in it.

I am however grateful that I know that one day I will get to hold you again and that not all hope is lost. I get jealous that you are there and I am here left waiting for time to slowly click by.

Sometimes I get angry at you! Yes, perfect innocent little you. You came and made all of us so happy! Then you just left us like a thief in the night! You left your Mommy with a huge mess to clean up! Everyone is sad, everyone is broken, and everything is never going to be the way it used to be.

Sometimes I wonder if you look down on me and I wonder what you think of me? Are you proud of me? Do you love me? Do you miss us as much as we miss you? Do you think I am handling this well?

Selfishly, I want you here. I know deep down your earthly mission was over and you needed to go home.  I know he needs you more than we do, one day I will remember why?

I hope you know just how happy you made all of us. I hope you know we all miss you and look forward to a glorious resurrection! On that day, Selfishly I will hold, kiss and cuddle you! You will not be set down on the floor to play with a hot pink dolly! No, you will be on my hip, sitting in my lap and occupying my arms! I hope you enjoyed your walker, jumper and swing while you here because yet again you will not need them! My Mommy arms are aching to hold you! Sage we all miss you and can’t wait to see you again someday!

Love your,

Momma

 

Sunday will Come

I love this video. I am thankful to know that Sunday will Come. One day I will be with my little boy again. I miss my little boy so much.

The White Rose: Sage Eldredge Memorial 5k

Meet Sage’s Aunt Cindy Eldredge Campbell.  Cindy is awesome!  She is a wife, mom of three, active in her church and community, and her passion is fitness/running.

This is Cindy and her husband Keith with their three children.  

Cindy has been working hard at organizing a 5k  Memorial run in Sage’s honor.  Sage’s Run will be held on what would have been his second birthday.

July 17, 2010

Newport City Park

in Newport, Washington

The white rose was inspired by Crystal’s post on October 3, 09 Titled “The White Rose”.  You can click on the link below for information on Sage’s Memorial 5k Run.

THE WHITE ROSE

Sage’s Memorial 5k Run

http://sagememorial5k.com/myindex.php#

 

 

All proceeds of the race will go to the Tears Foundation who is working in conjunction with the SIDS Foundation.  For more information on the Tears foundation visit the following link http://www.thetearsfoundation.org/

We are so excited about this.  The entire family will be in attendance and we invite all of you to join us.  For us Arizona Desert Rats we will be looking forward to the cool/beautiful weather in New Port next July.

Cindy and her family recently ran for Sage in the Fallen Leaf Run (SIDS organization).  Sage’s name was added to the Fallen Leaf Tree.  Here are some pictures from the race.  They should give you an idea of what Sage’s Run will be like.

 

They had approximately 575 participants in the SIDS race held on October 4, 2009. 

 

We would like to thank Cindy for all the work she is doing.  We are so excited about this event and hope to see you there!

National SIDS/Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today, October 15, is National SIDS and Infant Loss Awareness day.   At 7:00pm, you're invited to light a candle for any one you know who has lost a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or  illness/accident.

Since Sage’s passing I have tried to look for the positive in ALL things.   You might wonder what positive things could come out of something so tragic.  Well that’s one of the many things my grandson has taught me that positive can be found in all things.

One of those positive things is my new friend Amber Terhune.  Amber lives in Nevada and is the mother of five children.  She is a Doula and for a long time it was her job to travel throughout Nevada and teach classes on SIDS awareness.  Then her fourth child, Arianna, was born 8 weeks early on February 27, 2008, she got to come home from the hospital the day after Easter.  Ari lived 10 precious days with her family when she passed of SIDS. 

SIDS-Sudden Infant Death Syndrome,  SUID-Sudden Unexplained Infant Death,   SUDI-Sudden Unexplained Death of an Infant

It really depends on what state/county you live in as to what cause of death they label  your baby with but they all mean the same…”We don’t know why your baby died.”  So if they don’t know why how can they say if your infant sleeps on their back, sucks a pacifier, and etc… this will prevent SIDS.   I wish they would change the wording from SIDS PREVENTION to SIDS PRECAUTIONS.  It would alleviate much guilt for these parents and also get the word out that these death’s are UNEXPLAINED.  We need more research!

I mentioned that Amber was a trained specialist in SIDS.  She feels guilty because she felt if anybody could have “prevented” this it should have been her.  But to me Amber is a hero.  When a parent loses a child to SIDS they research everything they can about SIDS  and SIDS “Prevention” and they feel guilty because there might be that one thing they didn’t do.   Like how do you keep an 8 month old on their back all night long?  For us that “one thing” was having a blanket in bed with Sage.  Even though his death was not ruled a suffocation we know the blanket played a part in his death.   Most of us put a blanket over our babies to keep them warm I put a blanket in bed with all 6 of my kids.   Amber was trained, she taught hundreds, she did everything right and yet it still happened to her.  Amber’s story gives all of us strength and bears testimony that it can happen to ANYBODY!  I’m sure she would rather not be this type of spokesperson but for what ever reason she is. 

Remember those “Positives” I talked about…Amber is one of mine..she doesn’t know this but one night when I couldn’t cry anymore I got up and went to my computer and she Instant Messaged me and we talked for a couple of hours.  She got me through a difficult moment. 

Amber’s story doesn’t end there.  Shortly after her Ari passed away she learned she was pregnant on the SAME day she found out she was pregnant with Ari and she was due the same day Ari was due had she not been born 8 weeks early.  Then it get’s stranger.  Her little boy ZION was also born eight weeks early…you guessed it…he was born on February 27, 2009…on Ari’s first birthday.  What are the odd’s?  Little Zion has had some breathing episodes of his own.  One day Amber found him not breathing.  Thankfully she was able to revive him.  Zion is now on a monitor.  I can’t imagine the fear she lives with everyday.  

Zion is the bottom right and Arianna is top left.  Please keep little Zion and Amber in your prayers.

Amber made the following slide show.  They are all pictures of Angel Babies most of whom are victims of SIDS/SUID/SUDI.  The last photo is of our little Sage.  Sadly I recognize many of the babies in this slide show.  Their parents have been a source of strength and comfort.  Thank you Amber for doing this and for including Sage in your slide show thank you for honoring him in such a way.

At 7:00pm, you're invited to light a candle for any one you know who has lost a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or accident/illness. 

Perhaps you know of a child who is ill?  Light a candle for him/her…I will be lighting a candle for my Great Nephew Cole Claridge, whom was recently diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, and of course one for Sage and all the angel babies.

Scroll down to the bottom of Sage’s blog and pause his music before watching the video.  You will want to hear the music on the slide show.

Dancing with our angels on PhotoPeach

Dancing With Our Angels

Mourn with those that Mourn

Thursday morning, which is a hard day for Spencer and me anyways, became an even harder day. We received the dreaded phone call that none of us ever wants to hear. Our good friends Cori and Blades lost their little girl. Kyndal had her cord wrapped around her neck and had stopped breathing. She was born sleeping on Oct 8th. Kyndal weighed 7lbs. 14 oz. 20 inches. She is a beautiful little girl. She looks like her beautiful mother with dark curly hair. She is perfect and like her older brother said "she is in Heaven and Heavenly Father is taking care of her".

 I have cried for a few days. I am heart broken for this wonderful family. I know all to well the journey they are walking down. It hurts to see my friends so heartbroken. Part of you wants to take away the pain from them or buy them something that will make this better. I have learned that there is no earthy possession that can take this pain away. The only thing that will give them comfort, hope, and peace is the Atonement of our loving Savior Jesus Christ.  I have peace in my heart knowing that Cori and Blades have an Eternal marriage and that their little girl is sealed to them for Time and all Eternity. What sweet comfort this brings to them. The Lords ways are perfect and he loves us.

I pray that I can and will be in tune with the Spirit and know how to help Cori and be there for her. I know that Cori and Blades will get through this just as me and Spencer strive to do daily. This is something that they nor I will ever just get over. Cori and Blades I love you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted by Crystal

It Takes Courage

It takes courage to live------courage and strength and hope and humor. And courage and strength and hope and humor have to be bought and paid for with pain and work and prayers and tears. 

---Jerome P. Fleishman

 

Posted By Crystal Eldredge

The White Rose

Some of us mothers are missing one of God's elect who honored us with that honor of Motherhood.  For us mothers whose mission Started in Heaven before our earthy mission began. I share this story.

In Memory of our children…

All of the earth's Mothers were gathered at God's garden of flowers;

Those beautiful budding spirits

Who could someday come to earth

Were nurtured and tended in the Holy garden.

A Loving Father spoke to the Mothers of earth.

"See the works of my hands,

Someday you will be the mother's of these radiant spirits."

The Garden of God glowed with a mixture of all of the colors.

"Choose ye", He said.

Now in the East corner of the garden

Pure white roses stood as sentinels.

They were not so colorful as the rest,

But glowed with a kind of purity

Which set them apart.

One by One the Mothers stepped forward;

"I want the blue eyes one, the curly haired one,

Who will grow to maturity and be a mother in Zion."

Yet another chose a brown eyed brown haired boy,

Full of life and love

That would someday be a prince in a grand country.

The Garden buzzed with excitement as the others with their own special spirits

Those they would soon welcome into the warmth

And love of an earthy home.

Once again, Heavenly Father spoke;

"But who will take the White Roses,

The ones in the east corner of my garden?

These will return to me in purity and goodness.

They will not stay long in your home

For I must bring them back to my garden

For they belong to me

But they will gain bodies as planned

You will miss them

And Long for them

But I will personally care for them"

"NO!,NOT I" many of the earthly Mothers said in unison.

"I couldn’t bear to give one back so soon"

"Nor I" said other mothers.

We will take those who will remain and grow to maturity

and live long lives.

The Heavenly Father looked out across the multitude of Mothers

With longing in his eyes for someone to step forward

SILENCE!

Then Heavenly Father said;

"See the most pure white and perfect of all the white ones?

I chose him.

He will go down and be a sacrifice for all mankind.

He will be scorned, mocked and crucified.

He is my OWN,

Will not anyone choose like unto Him?"

A few mothers stepped forward

Yes Lord I will

Then another as well

And then some in unison said YES we will

Soon all the pure white roses were taken

And they rejoiced in the choice in their mothers.

Heavenly Father spoke again

"Oh blessed are you who chose the white roses.

Your pain will be a Heavy Cross to bear

But your joy will be exceeding

Beyond anything you can understand at this time."

The white one embraced their mothers

And so full was their purity and love

That it filled their souls with such excitement.

Each mother knew they could endure the tasks.

The GREATEST of all the white roses gathered them

As a hen gathers her chicks

And the out pouring of love surrounded each mother and child,

Consuming all the white ones and their mothers

As he prepared them for their task.

Each mother who bore the weight of the white rose

Felt the overwhelming Love of God

As they all shouted

"Thy Will be Done"

"Parents who have surrendered the sweetest and smallest flowers from the family's garden need to remember our Heavenly Father. He has promised a special reward to those who now suffer in silence, who spend long days and longer nights through their trying times of bereavement. Our Creator has promised glory. He said, 'For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but nigh at hand.' (D&C 58:4) That promised glory includes the blessing of reunion with each child who has left the family circle to help surviving members of the family to draw nearer to God. Those children still live and are a heritage to the Lord." Russell M. Nelson

I want to share my personal Testimony that I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that he is aware of me and my needs and wants. I know that he prepared me for this earthy Mission to be Sage’s mother. I know that one day I will be with my Little boy again. Heavenly Father has a much greater plan for me than I had planned for myself. I trust him and have full faith in his plan for me.
I say these things in the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Crystal Eldredge