Saturday, October 31, 2009
As we walked around the cemetery as a family, I noticed some flowers had been blown over, so I bent down to pick them up and fix the headstone area. A few minutes later there was this man kneeling at the grave just sobbing. He walked up to our grave and said, “I speak very little English but, I just cried when I saw strangers taking care of my sons grave and taking the time to read his headstone”. I guess on holidays the man just sits in his truck and stays by his sons grave side all day. His son was 14 years old and hung himself. It was 10 years ago he is so heart broken. We sat with this man and talked to him for about an hour. He just kept saying this is so hard pointing to the ground. I have to agree this is so hard. He said I have faith but I do not understand. We sat and Mourned with those that Mourn today, he was so happy when we left him. I felt that we helped him today. When we were leaving I ran into my Visiting Teacher! I love Linda she is a good woman!
I love this photo because of Jayden. She is being so reverent and angelic looking as she looks at the grave of her baby brother that she misses so much. .
We bought foam letters and wrote Sages name on the empty space on Kenny’s headstone. We ordered Sages headstone about 2 weeks ago it will be done in about 6 weeks.
Daddy and Trey are decorating the grave.
I never thought in a million years I would watch my children grow up around a headstone of one of their siblings. Such a surreal feeling that this happened to us. We are good people…Heavenly Father is just testing our faith, we will not let him down.
Sage, Mommy and Daddy miss you so much.
Uncle Kenny we all miss you as well.
Have a Happy Halloween.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Today started out as another "NEW NORMAL" day without Sage. I start with opening my eyes and remembering he is gone. I lay there making a mental list of all of my many blessings. It changes everyday but, I have to Thank my Heavenly Father for all of my blessing before my feet even hit the floor. I crawl out of bed and hit my knees praying for the strength that I need that day to live and keep breathing.
Today was a good day if you can even call them that. Spencer and I clipped our coupons and ran to Fry's while Trey was in school to go grocery shopping. We were able to refinance the house for a lower interest rate so we got to skip a house payment (TENDER MERCY) ! We decided to spend more on grocery's than usual to hopefully fill our pantry.
When we got to the register the little old lady checking us out asked "HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR FAMILY"? Ohh no the dreaded question. I hate this question. I can not bring myself to say 6 when I have 7. I still do not know how to answer the question gracefully. I decided to be honest with little old lady and tell her for some reason. I never really do, I just say 7 and drop it at that. I am glad that I prayed for added strength to help me get through the day.
I look at the little old woman and I say. "We have 7 in our family but our baby boy made his trip to Heaven a few months ago". The little old lady just stops what she is doing and asks, "Do you mind telling me how he died"? I said "He died of SIDS". Little old lady just starts crying......she goes I have lost four children FOUR children. Each baby was born a week to early, they lived a few days then died. This woman talked about coming home to empty nursery's time after time and how hard it was. She talked about the hurt, anger, pain, and deep sadness that a family feels. Little old lady talked about having EMPTY arms. I cried with her. I could not imagine losing 4 babies.
The little old lady taught me alot in 20 minutes.
I came home and hugged all 4 of my living babies! I held each one of them and thought about all the things that the Lord really has blessed me with. I again made a mental list and thanked Heavenly Father for all of my beautiful children.
The other thing I learned is that even though she is OLD she is still sad, heartbroken, hurting, yearning to hold her babies, and living through all of the pain and heart ache of it all.
Each heart holds its untold heart breaks. I would have never have guessed this little old, "cheerful" lady had lost 4 babies of her own. You never know the pain someone might be going through. Do not judge the book by its cover.
Little old Lady taught me that, it is okay to leave his Nursery, his things just as they are, until I am ready to deal with it. I wake up every day and this room sits at the top of the stairs completely empty, but yet so full of stuff. I have a few plans for some of the things.
Today was a good day....my pantry and heart are full. I love my Heavenly Father and his only begotten Son Jesus Christ. I know one day they will wipe away all of our hidden heart aches. We will be with our babies again. Even though I will never fully understand the Lords plan and will for me. Heavenly Father knows me and I just have to trust him and love him no matter what.
I will keep little old lady in my prayers. I will wave to her if I see her again because, I know that she knows how I feel about empty arms and empty nurseries.
Monday, October 26, 2009
What would I give for just another ordinary day? The boys were playing in “Jayden’s” doll box! I thought it was cute so I took some pictures. I miss the mess and the baby playing at his big brothers feet. I miss these moments so much.
Mommy is missing you more and more each day. I ache to hold you in my arms. My arms feel so empty and my heart is so sad. You sure are a handsome little fella! Your brother’s miss you as well. William cries almost everyday. Wayne prays that he will see you in his dreams. Trey knows that you are in Heaven with Jesus. Jayden thinks you are taking a very long nap. Daddy is heart broken and will not say much. This is so hard learning to live again in a world with out you in it.
I am however grateful that I know that one day I will get to hold you again and that not all hope is lost. I get jealous that you are there and I am here left waiting for time to slowly click by.
Sometimes I get angry at you! Yes, perfect innocent little you. You came and made all of us so happy! Then you just left us like a thief in the night! You left your Mommy with a huge mess to clean up! Everyone is sad, everyone is broken, and everything is never going to be the way it used to be.
Sometimes I wonder if you look down on me and I wonder what you think of me? Are you proud of me? Do you love me? Do you miss us as much as we miss you? Do you think I am handling this well?
Selfishly, I want you here. I know deep down your earthly mission was over and you needed to go home. I know he needs you more than we do, one day I will remember why?
I hope you know just how happy you made all of us. I hope you know we all miss you and look forward to a glorious resurrection! On that day, Selfishly I will hold, kiss and cuddle you! You will not be set down on the floor to play with a hot pink dolly! No, you will be on my hip, sitting in my lap and occupying my arms! I hope you enjoyed your walker, jumper and swing while you here because yet again you will not need them! My Mommy arms are aching to hold you! Sage we all miss you and can’t wait to see you again someday!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Meet Sage’s Aunt Cindy Eldredge Campbell. Cindy is awesome! She is a wife, mom of three, active in her church and community, and her passion is fitness/running.
Cindy has been working hard at organizing a 5k Memorial run in Sage’s honor. Sage’s Run will be held on what would have been his second birthday.
July 17, 2010
Newport City Park
in Newport, Washington
The white rose was inspired by Crystal’s post on October 3, 09 Titled “The White Rose”. You can click on the link below for information on Sage’s Memorial 5k Run.
THE WHITE ROSE
Sage’s Memorial 5k Run
All proceeds of the race will go to the Tears Foundation who is working in conjunction with the SIDS Foundation. For more information on the Tears foundation visit the following link http://www.thetearsfoundation.org/
We are so excited about this. The entire family will be in attendance and we invite all of you to join us. For us Arizona Desert Rats we will be looking forward to the cool/beautiful weather in New Port next July.
Cindy and her family recently ran for Sage in the Fallen Leaf Run (SIDS organization). Sage’s name was added to the Fallen Leaf Tree. Here are some pictures from the race. They should give you an idea of what Sage’s Run will be like.
They had approximately 575 participants in the SIDS race held on October 4, 2009.
We would like to thank Cindy for all the work she is doing. We are so excited about this event and hope to see you there!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Today, October 15, is National SIDS and Infant Loss Awareness day. At 7:00pm, you're invited to light a candle for any one you know who has lost a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or illness/accident.
Since Sage’s passing I have tried to look for the positive in ALL things. You might wonder what positive things could come out of something so tragic. Well that’s one of the many things my grandson has taught me that positive can be found in all things.
One of those positive things is my new friend Amber Terhune. Amber lives in Nevada and is the mother of five children. She is a Doula and for a long time it was her job to travel throughout Nevada and teach classes on SIDS awareness. Then her fourth child, Arianna, was born 8 weeks early on February 27, 2008, she got to come home from the hospital the day after Easter. Ari lived 10 precious days with her family when she passed of SIDS.
SIDS-Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, SUID-Sudden Unexplained Infant Death, SUDI-Sudden Unexplained Death of an Infant
It really depends on what state/county you live in as to what cause of death they label your baby with but they all mean the same…”We don’t know why your baby died.” So if they don’t know why how can they say if your infant sleeps on their back, sucks a pacifier, and etc… this will prevent SIDS. I wish they would change the wording from SIDS PREVENTION to SIDS PRECAUTIONS. It would alleviate much guilt for these parents and also get the word out that these death’s are UNEXPLAINED. We need more research!
I mentioned that Amber was a trained specialist in SIDS. She feels guilty because she felt if anybody could have “prevented” this it should have been her. But to me Amber is a hero. When a parent loses a child to SIDS they research everything they can about SIDS and SIDS “Prevention” and they feel guilty because there might be that one thing they didn’t do. Like how do you keep an 8 month old on their back all night long? For us that “one thing” was having a blanket in bed with Sage. Even though his death was not ruled a suffocation we know the blanket played a part in his death. Most of us put a blanket over our babies to keep them warm I put a blanket in bed with all 6 of my kids. Amber was trained, she taught hundreds, she did everything right and yet it still happened to her. Amber’s story gives all of us strength and bears testimony that it can happen to ANYBODY! I’m sure she would rather not be this type of spokesperson but for what ever reason she is.
Remember those “Positives” I talked about…Amber is one of mine..she doesn’t know this but one night when I couldn’t cry anymore I got up and went to my computer and she Instant Messaged me and we talked for a couple of hours. She got me through a difficult moment.
Amber’s story doesn’t end there. Shortly after her Ari passed away she learned she was pregnant on the SAME day she found out she was pregnant with Ari and she was due the same day Ari was due had she not been born 8 weeks early. Then it get’s stranger. Her little boy ZION was also born eight weeks early…you guessed it…he was born on February 27, 2009…on Ari’s first birthday. What are the odd’s? Little Zion has had some breathing episodes of his own. One day Amber found him not breathing. Thankfully she was able to revive him. Zion is now on a monitor. I can’t imagine the fear she lives with everyday.
Amber made the following slide show. They are all pictures of Angel Babies most of whom are victims of SIDS/SUID/SUDI. The last photo is of our little Sage. Sadly I recognize many of the babies in this slide show. Their parents have been a source of strength and comfort. Thank you Amber for doing this and for including Sage in your slide show thank you for honoring him in such a way.
At 7:00pm, you're invited to light a candle for any one you know who has lost a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or accident/illness.
Perhaps you know of a child who is ill? Light a candle for him/her…I will be lighting a candle for my Great Nephew Cole Claridge, whom was recently diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, and of course one for Sage and all the angel babies.
Scroll down to the bottom of Sage’s blog and pause his music before watching the video. You will want to hear the music on the slide show.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Posted by Crystal
Thursday morning, which is a hard day for Spencer and me anyways, became an even harder day. We received the dreaded phone call that none of us ever wants to hear. Our good friends Cori and Blades lost their little girl. Kyndal had her cord wrapped around her neck and had stopped breathing. She was born sleeping on Oct 8th. Kyndal weighed 7lbs. 14 oz. 20 inches. She is a beautiful little girl. She looks like her beautiful mother with dark curly hair. She is perfect and like her older brother said "she is in Heaven and Heavenly Father is taking care of her".
I have cried for a few days. I am heart broken for this wonderful family. I know all to well the journey they are walking down. It hurts to see my friends so heartbroken. Part of you wants to take away the pain from them or buy them something that will make this better. I have learned that there is no earthy possession that can take this pain away. The only thing that will give them comfort, hope, and peace is the Atonement of our loving Savior Jesus Christ. I have peace in my heart knowing that Cori and Blades have an Eternal marriage and that their little girl is sealed to them for Time and all Eternity. What sweet comfort this brings to them. The Lords ways are perfect and he loves us.
I pray that I can and will be in tune with the Spirit and know how to help Cori and be there for her. I know that Cori and Blades will get through this just as me and Spencer strive to do daily. This is something that they nor I will ever just get over. Cori and Blades I love you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Some of us mothers are missing one of God's elect who honored us with that honor of Motherhood. For us mothers whose mission Started in Heaven before our earthy mission began. I share this story.
In Memory of our children…
All of the earth's Mothers were gathered at God's garden of flowers;
Those beautiful budding spirits
Who could someday come to earth
Were nurtured and tended in the Holy garden.
A Loving Father spoke to the Mothers of earth.
"See the works of my hands,
Someday you will be the mother's of these radiant spirits."
The Garden of God glowed with a mixture of all of the colors.
"Choose ye", He said.
Now in the East corner of the garden
Pure white roses stood as sentinels.
They were not so colorful as the rest,
But glowed with a kind of purity
Which set them apart.
One by One the Mothers stepped forward;
"I want the blue eyes one, the curly haired one,
Who will grow to maturity and be a mother in Zion."
Yet another chose a brown eyed brown haired boy,
Full of life and love
That would someday be a prince in a grand country.
The Garden buzzed with excitement as the others with their own special spirits
Those they would soon welcome into the warmth
And love of an earthy home.
Once again, Heavenly Father spoke;
"But who will take the White Roses,
The ones in the east corner of my garden?
These will return to me in purity and goodness.
They will not stay long in your home
For I must bring them back to my garden
For they belong to me
But they will gain bodies as planned
You will miss them
And Long for them
But I will personally care for them"
"NO!,NOT I" many of the earthly Mothers said in unison.
"I couldn’t bear to give one back so soon"
"Nor I" said other mothers.
We will take those who will remain and grow to maturity
and live long lives.
The Heavenly Father looked out across the multitude of Mothers
With longing in his eyes for someone to step forward
Then Heavenly Father said;
"See the most pure white and perfect of all the white ones?
I chose him.
He will go down and be a sacrifice for all mankind.
He will be scorned, mocked and crucified.
He is my OWN,
Will not anyone choose like unto Him?"
A few mothers stepped forward
Yes Lord I will
Then another as well
And then some in unison said YES we will
Soon all the pure white roses were taken
And they rejoiced in the choice in their mothers.
Heavenly Father spoke again
"Oh blessed are you who chose the white roses.
Your pain will be a Heavy Cross to bear
But your joy will be exceeding
Beyond anything you can understand at this time."
The white one embraced their mothers
And so full was their purity and love
That it filled their souls with such excitement.
Each mother knew they could endure the tasks.
The GREATEST of all the white roses gathered them
As a hen gathers her chicks
And the out pouring of love surrounded each mother and child,
Consuming all the white ones and their mothers
As he prepared them for their task.
Each mother who bore the weight of the white rose
Felt the overwhelming Love of God
As they all shouted
"Thy Will be Done"
"Parents who have surrendered the sweetest and smallest flowers from the family's garden need to remember our Heavenly Father. He has promised a special reward to those who now suffer in silence, who spend long days and longer nights through their trying times of bereavement. Our Creator has promised glory. He said, 'For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but nigh at hand.' (D&C 58:4) That promised glory includes the blessing of reunion with each child who has left the family circle to help surviving members of the family to draw nearer to God. Those children still live and are a heritage to the Lord." Russell M. Nelson
I want to share my personal Testimony that I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that he is aware of me and my needs and wants. I know that he prepared me for this earthy Mission to be Sage’s mother. I know that one day I will be with my Little boy again. Heavenly Father has a much greater plan for me than I had planned for myself. I trust him and have full faith in his plan for me.
I say these things in the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.